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Pagan Parenting |
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Should
I Raise a Pagan Child?
Source Unknown
How often do we ask ourselves this question? If we've not started a family, yet have considered having children at some time in the future, it's an applicable question. If we have children, but haven't begun to provide them any sort of "structured" religious training, it's even more often in our thoughts. Those of us who have already decided to begin to teach our children the basics of our beliefs still ask ourselves this question. Should
I raise a Pagan child? Further
exploration of the question does little to give us answers. Usually, it
simply gives us more decisions to make, and more points to ponder. How
should I raise my child as a Pagan? In
which age group is it appropriate to begin formal religious training? What
sort of information is appropriate for my child? Should
I allow my child to do magick? Do
I teach my child about divination? What
if (s)he doesn't want to learn? What
if (s)he asks something I can’t answer? Why
couldn’t Mr. Roger’s have been more Pagan-friendly and handled this
for me ?? This
is usually the point where we break down. Rabid fundamentalist relatives
talk about us behind our backs at family reunions. They say things like
"It was all that Satan worship . . . if she hadn't sold her soul to
Satan, she'd never have cracked." So many questions exist, but with
so few answers. Books full of information exist that explain how to BE a
good Pagan; unfortunately, the list of books that explain how to RAISE a
good Pagan is much smaller. My
first suggestion would be one word: relax. Let's first identify the
pertinent questions; when we have decided those, we'll worry about
finding the answers. In
my daughter's writing class, they have to break apart the components of
a story into five basic categories: Who, When, What, Where and Why? I
think that this approach might help us better understand what we're
trying to accomplish. Obviously, we have the "who": our
child(ren) and ourselves. There are always going to be other people we
must "factor into the equation" at times, but we and our
child(ren) are the principal players. Ultimately, it is our
responsibility to decide what is right for our children, and to provide
that for them. "When
is the right time?" is easily the next question that we face as
Pagan parents. The answer to this question is probably right under your
nose (or underfoot). Look down, because your child is standing there.
Has (s)he begun to ask specific questions? Has (s)he noticed the books
and various magickal items in your home, and asked how they're used? It
has always been my opinion that any child bright enough to ask an
intelligent question deserves a similar answer. The simple answering of
a question, while not necessarily leading to an entire course in
religious theory, is the first step to beginning your child's Pagan
education. As important is the ability to honestly say, "I don't
know the answer to your question, but let's find an answer
together." Children ask hard questions, sometimes; they ask the
questions for which they need answers. They have the uncanny ability of
deciding for themselves when the time is right to begin their spiritual
path. Conversely, it's not necessary to try and educate your child,
simply because (s)he is exposed to books, rituals and other Pagan
people. Children are wonderful, in that sense; they have the enviable
skill of selecting those things from their surroundings that matter to
them, and happily leaving the rest to explore on another day. Children
don't notice items lying around the house, unless those items appeal to
them; once the interest is there, they'll ask and you can answer. Kids
seem to ignore the differences between people; to a child, a person is
just a person. A new Pagan playmate is simply another kid with whom to
play, and a Circle game is just another fun thing to do. Don't
anticipate your child's concerns before (s)he has a chance to realize
that there's something about which to be concerned; you'll just end up
delivering a 45-minute dissertation on the uses of a ritual candle, only
to have the child say, "Okay, but I was only trying to tell you
that the wax dripped on the table." There is no proper age to begin
to teach your child; every child is different-- a complete-yet-small
individual with his (her) own needs and questions. Let your child guide
you. "What
should we teach our children?" is another tough question with a
simple answer. If you read the answer to the previous question, you can
answer this question: Let your child guide you. Answer the questions
your children ask; answer them simply and honestly. A child who asks why
we burn green candles doesn't want a course on candle-burning rituals; (s)he
just wants a simple answer to the question. Before we concern ourselves
with all the magickal correspondences and religious theory upon which we
base our beliefs, perhaps we should remember to teach our child the
basics of things like "harm none," "respect your own
bodies and those of other people," and "celebrate the
differences between individuals." A child with a grasp of the
Wiccan Rede will eventually expand that knowledge to matters of ethics
and responsibility. A child who respects his own body will come to
understand the notion of the sanctity of life. In addition, the
practical application of self-respect results in self-confident children
who are less likely to become victims. Children who learn not only to
respect the differences between people but also to exalt those same
differences will understand the meanings of cultural diversity and
religious tolerance. Basic information provided now will offer a firm
foundation for more intense information, when your child is ready to
handle it. Children will let you know what information they need, if you
pay attention. Where
is the best place to teach our children? The most obvious location is
home; children learn best in an environment with which they are
familiar, and where they feel safe and secure. We can teach our children
through an attunement with nature; this is where they can learn about
the sacredness of life and the wheel of the year. Group celebrations,
circle activities, open Sabbats, festivals and coven gatherings are
further examples of places where we can instruct our children. We can
teach our children anywhere, as long as we teach them with love. We
should always make sure that we're not giving them more than they can
handle, based on the age and maturity of the individual child. As stated
before, your children will lead you when it's time for another
"lesson," no matter what the location. Why
should we teach our children the ways of the Pagan path? The reasons are
as plentiful as the opportunities to teach and the methods for providing
that education. When we teach our path to our children, and when we give
them the basics of our religion, we give them examples of
open-mindedness and tolerance. We arm them for the day when they may
face some of the same discriminations that we have faced, because of our
religious choices. We give them a sense of the sanctity of life and the
accessibility of the divine. We teach them to celebrate those
differences, which separate us as individuals, rather than to use those
same traits to discriminate against others. Our children have a right to
make their own choices; we must remain aware of this fact during our
short time of being responsible for their well being. Hopefully, our
instruction on the ways of the Pagan path will teach our children to
make responsible and educated choices regarding their lives. This
instruction serves as a blueprint to guide them through their decisions,
knowing that should they decide to pursue a different path, they'll
still have our love and support. We can teach them love, respect,
reverence for nature, and tolerance of all people. They'll learn to
question, to seek, to endure, and to stand for those things in which
they believe. Valuable life lessons can result from solid Pagan
training. The only question, which we have not addressed, is "How can we teach our children?", and the answer to that is simple: children learn from examples. They learn more from watching us than they do from what we say to them. We can teach them more by "doing," than we could ever hope to teach them by talking. Remember always that being a Pagan parent should always begin with being a good parent. Teach your children with love; respect their space and their basic rights as people. Let them know that their opinions matter. Remind them daily that whether we walk a Pagan path or some other, we're all walking our individual paths on the same planet; for that reason alone, we need to learn to respect out individual differences and live together harmoniously. Should I raise a Pagan child? If it means that my child will grow up with a respect for all life, and with faith in the decisions that (s)he makes, then the answer is a resounding, "Yes." |
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